Category Archives: Film

Experiments on Children in the Name of Star Wars

Hazy childhood nostalgia can be a dangerous thing. Some of us 30 somethings forget that Star Wars was a fun family film and not actually the dark, gritty and emotional masterpiece we all remember it as. When Episodes I, II and III were released they were heavily criticised by those of us that felt that the playful child-friendly tone of the films was some kind of shameful cash-in to pack as many into the cinema as possible … and they were right, but we were the same people that owned Darth Vader lunchboxes, Yoda tamagotchis and X Wing Micro Machines so let’s not be too judgemental.

Attack of the Clones

One of the most horrible scenes ever endured by cinema-goers

So while I think that Attack of the Clones is one of the most stomach-churning films of all time I don’t feel that the other two are that bad. Sure, midichlorians were a misstep but was Jar Jar Binks really that bad when the original trilogy finished with an army of teddy bears? Great modern actors like Natalie Portman and Ewan Macgregor may have looked like amnesiac children at a Nativity but one of the most loved characters in the originals basically just nods, delivers 2 lines and is then flung into a giant pit because his jetpack is hit by a stick.

I am too close to it all but wait, there is another. As well as having the pleasure of my collected wisdom my infant son will be the valuable test subject in my Star Wars Experiment. As he gets older I will show him the films in chronological order instead of order of release and see what he thinks. I might even throw in The Battle Of Endor for added colour. Obviously I will insulate him from any subjective opinion to make a fair experiment but this could be a true test of taste. According to the research I have done (not even a single search on Google) nothing like this has ever been attempted and I am dizzy with anticipation. As a blank slate he will be the fairest indicator of quality of one of the most dividing series in film history.

I will share the results in 10 years or so and if he states that he wants to be Han Solo then you can be safe in the knowledge that our youthful recollections are not just dreams but fact. If not then my wife’s son will spend the subsequent 10 years in carbonite!